At what point do I give in and say “graduate school is simply taking too much out of me?” Is there a real, true breaking point? Or must I wait ’til my hair starts falling out in chunks before I cave?
I’m being a bit melodramatic here, to say the least. While there are additional stresses in my life due to graduate school, I have yet to reach that threshold described above. However, I find myself dancing with a particular conundrum this very moment that causes me to question the role graduate school plays in my current life. So despite not contemplating throwing in the towel, I’m fearful that this next semester might have an altogether unwelcome impact.
Without going into too much detail — mostly because I’m a bit nervous the wrong person might stumble upon this blog — I may have to choose between remaining a true part-time student, taking two classes per semester, and keeping one of my jobs. Unfortunately a “required” second semester course falls on the same night as “required” work events. Unless one party or the other budges to allow both pieces of my life to continue, I just might be forced to choose between them…
…And as of this moment, I’m unsure which one would remain.
I hate tackling decisions such as these. I’m quite an indecisive soul, and that’s about easy choices such as Panera or Panda Express*. Now that I could possibly be faced with a truly life-altering decision — I’ll definitively know on Tuesday — my stomach is in knots as the pessimistic girl I try to suppress once again surfaces. My high-level of impatience isn’t helping either.
Though I often assume the worst, I’m certainly hoping for the best. But complete uncertainty is pushing me toward regret, nearly wishing I didn’t tackle this graduate school thing to begin with. I am not a decision-maker, I am not someone who can simply push something important to the wayside to make way for something else. Sadly, I suppose the only thing to do now is cross my fingers and wait it out in the hopes that someone else will make my decision for me in a mere six days…
* Panda and its orange chicken were the victor today.
